(Somewhere inside I knew this was coming)
In chronological order.(Newer to older)
- I get a call from my best best best best friend's home that he has been admitted to hospital.He was sick all the weekend.Today it got worse.They say if not treated in time,the infection in his throat would have choked his windpipe.I go to the hospital.Help out his parents with many things.See my friend.Don't know what to say.I come back
- A colleague of mine calls and says his wife almost died of asthma attack.He is close to me.I visit him.I notice he's in pain.I mutter some shit to lift him up.I leave.
- My (former?)best friend calls up one day.He says his grand-mother passed away two days back.He's going back.(He works overseas and had come down few days back to visit his terminally ill granny).I say ok and wish him peace.His granny was the one who raised him after his mom died and dad disowned him.His granny is the only immediate family he had.Though I had told bitter things to him a few days before,we are still on talking terms and are very much friends,if not best friends.I know he is completely shattered and didn't have the strength to face me.He would have broken down and cried the moment he saw me.Maybe that's why he communicated on phone.Now he's gone far away and he's all alone.
Throughout these events,one thing happened which is beginning to scare me.
Nothing seems to shake me.I'm not sad,not worried.I'm calm,composed and clear headed.Though none of this directly affects me,it affected people I love deeply and I should be worried too being a sensitive person I think I am.
But I'm not.I was into spirituality/philosophy stuff from lot of days.Off late, I'm beginning to understand and really able to adapt such things into my life.I'm able to go through various events happening around me from a third person's view (and enjoy sadistically sometimes),rather than first person's perspective.
But I seem to be in a dilemma.
Nothing and absolutely nothing is bothering me.
Am I becoming strong or am I turning into a stone?
Am I becoming mad or content?
Am I attaining spiritual bliss or turning into emotionally challenged?
And quite interestingly all these things are not concerning or worrying me.
It's just my observation of myself.My face is turning into a one-expression wonder.