Let the healing begin.....

Dear desperado,

You have known that this is going to happen all along.But still, when it actually happened, you look as surprised as a deer caught unawares by the headlight of an oncoming vehicle.
The deer didn't knew it was stepping into a freeway;you knew;you KNOW.

It was a difficult and important decision, which you took.I admire you for that.Not many have the courage to even take this step.You had to separate from everything and everyone who were close to you.You knew that.It was going to be painful.It is still painful.It's just that you are experiencing what you actually imagined.That's the difference between fantasy and reality.I would like to quote one of my favorites from TV in this difficult moment of yours(Michael Scofield): "Preparation can only take you so far.After that you need a few leaps of faith".

This is just the beginning.At the first signs of failure, you are terrified and want to run away somewhere safe.Well, it was your choice.It is your battle battle.Battle has began.It was your choice to fight this battle and now you can't give up even as it's just beginning.

I know that there will be failures,setbacks before some relief sets in.But you have to face it.You have to face it head-on and overcome it.Only then, you will earn respect from the most important person in your life: YOU. Unless you respect yourself, anything you achieve will be nothing because whatever you do, it won't be good enough, unless you can look straight into the person staring back at you from the other side of the mirror and say: I AM.

So, don't be afraid.Get ready to fight and emerge.Things get worse before they get better.
"Move along, move along just to make it through."--AAR

Love and always,
Desperado

down and out.

I've been following this pattern of blogging when I'm, well.... down and out.I have hardly blogged, visited my blog friends or even logged on.The same was the case last year too.Only difference is, last year I was super busy and this year I'm super free!
But still I've still turned my back to life.I simply don't find the energy in my self.I'm ashamed of myself.The worst thing is I'm not the kind of person who gives up.So I'm always trying to do things that enable me to get out of this state.I'm doing it as if my very life depends on it.(it does actually.)But something inside me is broken and refusing to budge.But I'm beginning to suspect that my fatigue is not physical by its an emotional one.



I left my job and took a break from the madness that was threatening to consume me.I married a wonderful girl who supports me in all my decisions.I packed up and left my everything behind: wife, my folks, job, friends to take some time off; to just blow off the steam.I'm well rested now and ready to get back into the rat race in a new country among new people.I miss my people.I miss my blogging days, my online friends.
I'm trying my best to cope with it.Best thing is to keep my self busy.

Is it me or has blogging become so 90's??
Twitter ahoy! Tweet...tweet.

Wassup.......

Ya wassup?

Well,
1.2010 passed by and I didn't even notice.
2.No "me" time.
3.Late nights @work,business trips,bad food,too much caffeine,reduced immunity,acidity,chronic fatigue........recipe for disaster
4.More work.
5.No time to blog or read a book.
6.More work.
7.Impending burnout.
8......

What else????
Oh yeah I managed to get married in between all these mess.

2011.......the fight goes on........

Saved....?

Recently I missed certain death by just an hour.
I don't know whether I should thank my angels or not.think I should thank.Live today.Die another day.
I value life a (little bit) more.

crawling...

Every breath is an effort .......an effort wasted in the hope that the next one is going to be better.
What do you do?
Become cynical?
Turn to spirituality?
Madness perhaps?
What do you do when all you have to do is to keep going on while you are barely able to stand.Crawl...??
What do you do when giving up isn't that scary.
What do you do?
It may be ok with everyone.No one expects you to take another step.You've already come miles.
What do you do?
Is it ok with you?
Will you be able to live with that?
Are you able to face yourself in front of a mirror?
Is the person in the mirror alive?

what to do when going gets hard?
What you do will define you forever as a person.

Lately, going's been tough and giving up and settling into the comforts of my shell appears attractive.

Let's see......who wins.
Round 1 ................goes on.......

Mortal love

"We have touched for the last time
You are long gone, in love with someone else
I now fear nothing but life itself
And I have learned that living is just a slow way to die
I do not believe in life or in love anymore.
The joy I feel are the joys of emptiness
I hate myself for loving you
The fear I feel night after night has developed into a disease
No-one can see the emptiness in my eyes.
To escape life itself now seems the only solution
With relief i look forward of letting go of the pain
Finally... there is peace in my soul
To lie dead without a concern , without a tear,
You own my heart and life without you is so immensly painful
Just to think of you, talk about you, dream of you makes tears stream down my face.
I cannot imagine happiness without your beautiful smile, your angelic face,
your wonderful body and your good heart.
You are everything , I am nothing.
I want to die
But really... I am already dead"

--Mortal love.

you know your life sucks......

.........when you have spent two days in vegas and haven't even hit the slot machines(forget the boobies) and ....you actually are blogging about it.

Shit happens.(But you got to make time to actually do it!)

It ain't over .........

....and I'm not done yet.