I would like to put down on black and white, how I feel so that I can come back and read it when I want to remember this moment.
Here I go:
1.Death of someone close for the first time in my adult life.Though I have memories of other similar incidents, this is the one which I will remember vividly for a long time to come.
2.I don't know whether I'm in pain or not.Maybe I'm shamelessly exploiting myself to get some blog mileage.
3.I fear that I may not feel anything anymore.
Though I was not that close with my granddad during the later years,I have fond childhood memories of him.I just drifted away once I started off with my own life(what a cliché).Still, whenever we met we had meaningful conversations.Somewhere deep down I know that I was his favorite, even though it was never explicitly mentioned.
I have been fighting battles of my own, during all these years and grew apart and away from all people around me;grandpa included.This makes the pain a tad bit more painful.I was told by my folks, just few days before his departure to pay him a visit since the end was expected.I was so consumed by my own problems that I preferred to lay in the comfort of my own misery.Later when it was over, I got the guts to see his face only the day after.I just wanted to run away from all of it.
Still,remembering him, I'm happy that he has left a lot for me learn and cherish from the way he lived his life.I don't want to go down the "my- grandpa-is-the-best" road.I only wish to say that he lived a simple life with simple needs and desires and a great attitude and positive outlook.Maybe we celebrate people better once they die.I don't know.
Though there is a guilt part in me, I very much want to be happy and look forward positively, more than ever;thanks to him.
I actually wanted to post a photo something similar to my last post,but I realize that being unhappy is just not worth it.
Don't waste your time.
Love and only love,