Monday, June 16, 2008


[Jenny]"Why are you so good to me?"
[Forrest]"You are my girl."

Such a simple answer.Such a difficult answer.

This is one of those "aha" moments I had.This got me thinking about the l-word.The kind of love that we see in movies and books;pure,ideal,unconditional.This question keeps popping up in my mind again and again.Does this exist?The more I think the more I'm convinced that it doesn't.

Of course Tom Hanks gets it in the movie, but that's a movie.In real life jenny would have ODed and died from drugs or gone off and screwed some rich fat guy.Heck, in real life, there is no forrest gumps around.

I can't find them in movies too.The fat guy lands the fly girl, only after thinning down and breaking up her marriage with the anti-hero.There are girly versions of the same story around too.Why can't fat chick walk off with the stud.Ok ok atleast in fantasy(a.k.a movies).

I know why.It's because that would never be called fantasy.It will become a freak show.Fantasy itself is biased in order to be called a fantasy.
It's not about fat/thin pairing i'm talking here.It's about ideal love.It's just in movies.
These days talking about the l-word makes me feel like vomiting my guts out.Unfortunately, I'm being dragged into the discussion by people around me due to some reason or other.

Let's face it.There is nothing called love.It's pure biology with some chemistry thrown in.Nature's way of keeping species alive.Why are we attracted only to the beautiful ones?Well, baby that's natural selection;Darwin in action.

"Boo-hoo you are an ass", you may say."My parents love me."
Well, it's the closest you can get to defining love.But then again, I say it's not pure love altogether.It's a form of possessive love, which comes due to the fact that they see you as an extension of themselves.Darwin would have said, it's a trick, again played by nature to protect the fresh(as in young) genes.Hence parents have that urge to sacrifice for the welfare of their offspring.It's in the DNA silly.

"Naa na na Naa na. You're wrong again.God loves me", you say.Well, I'm not an atheist.I haven't completely bought out the big bang theory yet.Still I question his existence.At best I can say I'm in the process of finding HIM.And when I do, for all of our sakes, i will sure pop this question to him.

Call me a pessimist,I don't care.I say I'm an idealist.(Too much of Ayn Rand-ism in acti0n here.)
We are scared of asking tough questions.We are scared of truth.Truth is rotten and we are afraid of catching the smell if we ever discover it.

Till then we have all the peter parkers and MJ's keeping us company and keeping the stench out.
Why do you think all the great love stories are tragedies?Because if someone ever dared to live happily ever after, then there wouldn't be a happily ever-after.There would only be nasty divorces and what not.

L-word eludes me.


Paul W. Homer said...

When I was younger I felt the same way. Then I met my wife. Love is far less glamorous than it's made out to be, you just wake up one day and realize that you can't imagine being in the future without your significant other. They've become essential to your being.

The scary thing is that now you have something that you really really don't want to lose. Maybe that's why some people try to avoid it?


~Deb said...

I always question: can I live without this person? If not, then I know my answer. And not the type of "can I live without this person" in a friendship kind of way, however in the sense of true deep emotional intimacy, friendship and leaning on the fact that the person you're with loves you more than you love them. {In a sense}----meaning you're assured love in a way in an equality type of relationship; your best friend for life. What would you do for your best friend for life?

Everything and anything?

Åsa said...

Goodness! Those are some big thoughts there! Does it matter if there is no such thing as love? Whatever you may call it: there are some people you care for more than others. Some people who you will do almost anything for. Some people that makes YOU feel like a better person. You can call it anything you like – just make sure to enjoy it!

Have you read the book “Life – and how to survive it” by A.C. robin Skynner? I think you would appreciate his view on what a healthy relationship is. (he’s John Cleese’s physiatrist and the book is written together with John)


thank you all for reading my posts.

Paul:i want to quote max payne-"The trouble with wanting something is the fear of losing it, or never getting it. The thought makes you weak."
I will be lying if I say my past experiences have nothing to do with how I'm feeling now.
But the basic question I have and which is keeping me occupied is do we need another person to find happiness in life?
I don't want to be in love just in order to be happy.
If I'm sounding confused/crazy, I probably am.

I have friends for whom I will die if needed.
You are talking about true unconditional love which I'm finding hard to find in people around me (or anywhere).I truly do want to believe it exists.
Maybe we created God so as to console ourselves that no matter what HE is there above with arms wide open no matter what.
I must admit though that parents are the closest I have come as far as experiencing unconditional love is concerned.

hey, thx for dropping by.
Though my ego would never admit, I know that I'm confused and am searching for answers.I hope that I'm asking questions meritorious enough, whose answers are worth searching for, even though it may take a whole lifetime.

The book you're suggesting, “Life – and how to survive it”, is certainly going into my "to-read list".
Speaking of books, have you read "road less travelled":by M. Scott Peck.
It is one of my all-time favourites and I definitely recommend it.

Åsa said...

I love ”The road less traveled”! I started re-reading it a few months ago actually. So you must have good taste in books ;- )

~Deb said...

"...Maybe we created God so as to console ourselves."

I've always wondered that myself before my faith kicks in gear.

Have you seen, "Shallow Hal"? It's so funny and yet kind of sad. You have to watch it if you haven't yet! It totally pertains to this post.

I do believe that the many or few heartbreaks and disappointments we had with people we had our hearts set on, may elude our thoughts on if and if ever there was ever real love out there. That's why there are so many jaded souls screaming, "Eff love!" They never let themselves become vulnerable again and end up being very bitter.

Don't let that happen to you.

Paul Maurice Martin said...

I think you're right - that love and romance are two different things. I think of romance as the psychology of mating. (Not a very romantic view, lol...)

That said, it sometimes happens that people experience both love and romance in relation to the same person. To my mind, that's what Paul H. is describing.

However, even that can get tricky. The romance part has an early expiration date. I guess the luckiest people are the ones where the love relationship and partnership becomes very strong and just keeps going. Can't say I've known many couples like that, but I have seen it happen.

When it does, I think the love can keep the romance alive at least as shared romantic memories into old age.

But I do think a lot of folks put way too much energy into desperately hoping that this happens. I ended up with a kind of take it or leave/if it happens it happens attitude.

If you get to a point where you're really OK with yourself, I think that's what happens. You'd welcome something like that, but you don't see it as the be all/end all of existence.


Have watched shallow hal.
Liked it too.

I don't want to get bitter.But sometimes I lose it all.

"if you get to a point where you're really OK with yourself, I think that's what happens."

I think I'm there.
But is it good?

"I walk the lonely roads,the only one that I've ever known."