Tough times

It's been a tough time as some(well few) of them who frequent me have noted.I can't remember having cribbed this much and this long in my entire life(yet).

So, the main problem is coming out of my perception of people's expectation towards me.While I know that the perception is playing more tricks on my mind than there is, I still know that there are some expectations which are valid.

What is not valid or acceptable to me is the way I'm dealing with it.I've dealt with it badly and failed to live up to the high standards I've set myself.This is frustrating.

I also came to know one thing yesterday.People are far weaker than I give them credit to and this is actually bad.Because sometimes I tend to stretch matters too far than the person can take it and I end up hurting them which is not productive for me.Eventually people will start hating me or develop a bad taste for me.Even though I'm not worried about what other people (wrongly) think of me, I certainly not am arrogant.Well, I'm arrogant enough, but I make it extra sure not to display it around.

Arrogance like ego is good when used in ways which are not self-destructive.It is my arrogance which has given me the courage to make tough choices in life and see it through.It is my arrogance of thinking that I'm different and better than most has made me that or at least taken me through an interesting journey which I'm proud of.Yet I never want to rub my arrogance off to others and want to take great care in that sense.

The problem as put across by my friend is, As we become more and more practical we become less and less human.I am very practical and refuse to live in a dream world.I'm very independent and less interdependent.While it is very good for personal development, I find it difficult for relationships.This has been the complaint of people around me.But I can't help.People get set in their ways and it is difficult to change.Change is possible, also inevitable.Yet it is painful.Change or it's possibility brings lots of insecurities to the surface.People still resist it.I consider myself pretty flexible and adapting, but sometimes and especially for some things, it becomes very personal and egoistical to accept.

Still fighting.......
Desp