Sunday, March 1, 2009

Emotion is a bitch

"I tried so hard and got so far,in the end it doesn't even matter.... "

I'm convinced that emotion if not a disease, at least is a metal disorder of some kind.Has nobody found a cure yet?At least recognise it as a disorder please.

I've been very busy lately and have very little 'me' time.It's been a crazy ride and doesn't look like it will end any time soon.

One more defeat and disappointment in my on-going attempt and I'm getting to a point of not feeling anything any more.

Apart from this one aspect of life,things have actually bettered and I have been less grateful to God for it.Maybe it's because I'm not getting what I want even though what I'm getting is not that bad.

I hate failures and set very high criteria for success.So whenever there is a set back,it always reminds me of my first 'real' failure.

It was a girl whom I loved and I lost her forever.Maybe someday I can find enough courage to blog about that.Whenever there is a failed attempt at something,it always reminds me of that one thing and keeps me sad for days.

Presently, I'm sure I wouldn't have loved her as much as I do now if she were with me and I'm starting to suspect it was just an attraction.First love still is special and the pain factor remains.

Problem is now I don't know why I have to be sad and I'm laughing at my stupidity.I'm beginning to believe that God has programmed us to be miserable.We always manage to find some reason to be unhappy.

Emotion is a bitch.


dcrelief said...

I hate what you're saying > but in a polite way!


The Buddhist Conservative said...

Try to imagine a world without emotion. It would reduce us to a level of being simple machines.

It is ironic that the worst of our experiences are the ones that give us the greatest growth. They give us the perspective we need to appreciate the blessings we have been given.

It is not so much the emotion that causes us problems. It is how we process this emotion. Rather than embrace the negative which allows us to move forward, we begin to wonder why it had to be 'us'.

Don't fight failure, use it to find a better way next time. Life is a series of ups and downs, seldom giving us much chance for a smooth ride.

Emotion is what makes us human. Be open to what is and be careful not to build stories around feelings. They will pass quickly if you just observe what is going on inside you.



DC:we always hate the truth!!Kidding.

TBC:Men always romanticize things.They have a knack of getting into misery by going over past experiences.

dcrelief said...

Hello. Just doing my regular re-read of your blogs for wisdom and peace. Hope you do not mind. And I still agree: "Emotion is a bitch."

Clarissa Alverson said...

Hi Desperado--I clicked through to your blog after you left the comment about “Dreams” at the Buddhist Conservative. I can totally sympathize with you on this, since I’m the kind of person who used to get hung up in obsessive love too. When I was in high school, I had a crush on a guy for over four years, and I thought I would go to my grave still pining for him even though he didn’t want me. I have to say, that even though it really hurts you to be fixated on someone you can’t have, it says two very powerful and marvelous things about you. One, that you have the capacity for intense love and devotion, and two, that you haven’t given up hope. I’m guessing that you also have the quality of tenaciousness in your professional and personal pursuits, not giving up on an idea until you’ve learned everything you can about it, and tried every possible way to make it work. This is also a wonderful quality, even though it makes you crazy sometimes, and it means that once you finally resolve that you’re going to find a way to make your life into what you want it to be, your chances for success are very, very high. In the meantime, you might want to think a bit on the sage advice of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young:


DC:thanks for stopping by and of course you are welcome here as always.


Clarissa Alverson:

Thanks for the words.
I totally get what you are telling.Sometimes even when there is perfect reason and thought in the foreground, one still does not want to listen to it.I'm in that phase now.I know that time is a great leveler and in time things will even out.
But right now,this very moment I want to be where I don't want to be:sad,irrational and hopelessly out of hope, while the hope still lingers on, although some where deep down.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and yes, I will never give up my goals and pursuit of joy.

"I walk the lonely roads,the only one that I've ever known."