"I tried so hard and got so far,in the end it doesn't even matter.... "
I'm convinced that emotion if not a disease, at least is a metal disorder of some kind.Has nobody found a cure yet?At least recognise it as a disorder please.
I've been very busy lately and have very little 'me' time.It's been a crazy ride and doesn't look like it will end any time soon.
One more defeat and disappointment in my on-going attempt and I'm getting to a point of not feeling anything any more.
Apart from this one aspect of life,things have actually bettered and I have been less grateful to God for it.Maybe it's because I'm not getting what I want even though what I'm getting is not that bad.
I hate failures and set very high criteria for success.So whenever there is a set back,it always reminds me of my first 'real' failure.
It was a girl whom I loved and I lost her forever.Maybe someday I can find enough courage to blog about that.Whenever there is a failed attempt at something,it always reminds me of that one thing and keeps me sad for days.
Presently, I'm sure I wouldn't have loved her as much as I do now if she were with me and I'm starting to suspect it was just an attraction.First love still is special and the pain factor remains.
Problem is now I don't know why I have to be sad and I'm laughing at my stupidity.I'm beginning to believe that God has programmed us to be miserable.We always manage to find some reason to be unhappy.
Emotion is a bitch.